Hyperactive Inefficiency

“…”

Sharon — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 13:02:02 +0000

dot dot dot

When I’m feeling particularly pretentious, I’ll say, ellipses. I think they’re funny in gobsmacked dialogue or as an easy place holder for blank stares in writing.

When reading them as passive aggressive pregnant pauses in emails, I think you’re handling me with fake-nice and I’m usually super annoyed by your loaded silence that I don’t even care what the rest of the email says anymore.

[excerpt taken from between the lines of your doublespeak]…

I’ve connected the dots, toxic people. It’s not hard. I suggest you use them as a placeholder for what you really mean when you edit your electronic mail. Ideally, before you press send and think you’ve sabotaged a perfectly good inbox. Because, you haven’t.

You’ve actually been permanently deleted and filtered right out of my life.

Good morning, Gmail! Post this in your trash bin.

“I’m not sure if he’s coloured…

Sharon — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 00:56:43 +0000

…I don’t pay attention to that sort of thing.”

I get it.

You’re [air quotes] colour blind and not some crazy racist. Maybe you didn’t know you can just say, “black”.

You can even say, “Caribbean Canadian” if you’ve got the time but it’s a mouthful. Whatever. What’s most important for you to remember is that you can say either one above a whisper because they’re not bad words. Really.

Updated lexicon for next time, this post is for you.

Yes, Flight of the Conchords, I’m Into You

Sharon — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 20:56:26 +0000

Another season one favourite that made me press pause to post this. I just Googled. I’m not into married guys. Not even with lines like these:

And people are like paper dolls / Paper dolls and people / they’re a similar shape

Miranda Manasiadis and Hannah Clarke, lucky ladies and respective wives of Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie, this post is for you.

I Love You, But…

Sharon — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 05:10:48 +0000

Shane, I’d lose close to an hour’s sleep over this.

Adam J. Kurtz, this post loves you and your passive aggressive buttons.

Couples, Please Don’t Fight on the Streetcar

Sharon — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 02:32:18 +0000

First of all, we can hear you.

We can hear everything you say, even when you think you’ve lowered your voice.

Can we have a Skype wedding instead? Me, in my insane asylum because you drive me nuts, and you, ANYWHERE else?

Do you think I WANT to chop your face in half, or push you in front of cars, or, better yet, off the effing subway platform?

Second of all, we will talk about you all the way to the station as soon as you get off. We, the perfect strangers who have broken the ice and bonded over the ridiculousness of your dysfunctional relationship.

People of Toronto, write this post into your prenups.

Happy Valentine’s Day from @jujujulieta to @danharmon to Me to YOU!

Sharon — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 05:05:40 +0000

Dan Harmon, creator of NBC’s Community, one of my favourite shows, retweeted this the other night:

Dan Harmon @danharmon

Holy cow, you are super gifted and sweet. RT @jujujulieta was going to wait until Valentine’s but… http://twitpic.com/8j4uzk

And now I’m posting it here for you, dear sweet readers, who I heart for reading my blog.

And then there’s that Bad Black White Man, John Ware

Sharon — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:29:26 +0000

I’m sorry, that big bad what?

That Matoxy Sex Apee Quin. That’s what the Blackfoot First Nations people in Alberta reportedly called him, it means bad-ass black white man, naturally.

He’s a cowboy! He’s the former slave cowboy responsible for driving cattle all the way up from Texas to Alberta 130 years ago making him the man.

The Man?

That’s right, the man responsible for establishing Alberta’s ranching industry today. He’s even got a ridge, a creek, a mount, a stamp and a couple of schools named after him in the Calgary area.

That’s a lot.

Thanks Canada Post and Wikipedia. And to the Ministries of Education who probably just forgot to include John into pan-Canadian curriculum…I don’t know, maybe I was sick on that day every single year in history class when he might’ve come up, I’d have to check. I’m just saying it’s getting a bit weird finding all this out by accident on the internet.

John Ware, this post is for you.

Who is Viola Desmond?

Sharon — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 13:41:37 +0000

Canada’s Rosa Parks.

Never heard of her. And as a black Canadian, that’s kind of embarrassing considering she’s got a stamp and House of Anansi has had a book out about her since last year [awkward silence].

This is what they posted about her on their blog:

In 1946, Viola Desmond went to jail for defying an order to sit in a segregated section of a movie theatre. Known as Canada’s Rosa Parks, Desmond has become an icon for Canadian civil rights and is the subject of a picture book Groundwood Books was proud to publish last year: Viola Desmond Won’t Be Budged by Jody Nyasha Warner, with gorgeous illustrations by Richard Rudnicki.

Naturally, we were thrilled to find out that Viola Desmond will be featured on a stamp by Canada Post. The stamp will be publicly unveiled tomorrow to launch Black History Month in Nova Scotia.

> Read more about this on the CBC website.

Viola Desmond, this post is for you.

God Bless Whitney Houston, 1963 – 2012

Sharon — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 01:55:56 +0000

Bobbi Kristina, I am so sorry.

“You’re a cringe#”: A Paraphrased Lady Sovereign Retweet 1 Day Ago

Sharon — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 13:29:42 +0000

I’m a what?

You’re a cringe#.

Like Ian Beale off that BBC soap opera, EastEnders?

Yes.

Why?

Because, it’s awkward every time you get on my bus, sit down beside me and say, “hi” after you blew me off. You say, “hi” like you never got my, “coffee next Wed or Thurs?” text and it makes the half a dozen or so stops you sit beside me really uncomfortable. Please don’t say, “hi” anymore.

…

You’re welcome, social African-weaver birds of the world. Post this in your nest’s newsletter.